Do you want your children to respect set boundaries? Try these eight tips!
Raising children comes with numerous challenges, and one of the most significant is establishing and upholding limits and boundaries. Preschoolers are at a stage where they begin to explore the world and test limits, which is a necessary part of their development. Appropriately establishing limits and boundaries is crucial for their safety, fostering self-discipline and helping them understand social rules.
A boundary should be clear and appropriate for the child's age and experience. It is important to explain boundaries patiently, using vocabulary that the child knows and understands. A limitation should be enforced only after the parent has exhausted all arguments and the child still does not understand why "this is not allowed." If the child is unable to follow the parent's explanations at the moment, it is appropriate to proceed with the limitation in the form of a ban. The parent must clearly signal to the child that the ban is serious and will not change, using not only words but also non-verbal cues such as shaking a finger, shaking the head, a sad facial expression, or a stern tone of voice. So, how can you set boundaries and limitations effectively and lovingly with children?
Be clear and consistent.
Children need clear and simple rules that are easy to understand and follow. When you forbid children from doing something, be specific and consistent. For example, if jumping on the couch is forbidden, this rule should always apply, not only sometimes.
Example: "No jumping on the couch. You might hurt yourself. You can jump outside on the trampoline."
Be ready to explain
Children are naturally curious and often ask, "Why?" Explaining the reasons behind rules helps children better comprehend the purpose of the rules. When explaining, it's important to be patient and avoid long lectures.
For example: "You shouldn't touch the stove because it's hot, and you could get burned."
Positively set boundaries
Instead of constantly using words like "no" or "can't," try to set boundaries positively. Children respond better to what they can do than they cannot.
Example: Instead of saying, "Don't take off your shoes outside," say, "We'll take off our shoes when we get home."
Provide alternatives and solutions.
When you forbid children from doing something, offer an alternative or a solution that is acceptable and safe. This shows children that there are other ways to achieve what they want.
Example: "You can't draw on the wall, but you can use this paper or chalkboard instead."
Consequences
When a child breaks a rule, it is important that adequate and just consequences follow. This way, the child will learn to take responsibility for his own actions. It is crucial that consequences are explained beforehand.
Example: “If you keep throwing toys on the floor, we will have to put them away for a few.“
Emotional support and understanding
Children often react to bans emotionally, and that is when it is key to offer them emotional guidance. Validating their feelings and expressing empathy can transform their frustration and help them handle the situation better.
Example: „I see that you are upset and can't keep playing. I understand, but it is time for dinner now.“
Children learn the best from role models.
Children learn from what we tell them and what we do. If we want children to respect bans and rules, it is crucial that we abide by them and set a good example.
Example: “We don’t use cellphones while eating; you should put it away, too.”
Praise and support
Remember praise and positive motivation when a child abides by the rules and respects your bans. In this way, you will support their good behaviour and motivate them to behave nicely and respect the rules.
Example: „I am proud of you that you put away your toys when you finished playing.“
Boundaries and rules are essential parts of children's upbringing. The right approach can help children understand the world around them, learn important skills, and prepare for future challenges. It's important to be clear and consistent and explain the reasons behind the rules while providing positive support. This approach helps create an environment where children feel safe and loved.